My Silence

Hello folx!

I have been quite silent these past months as I have turned inward a bit early this year. It usually occurs in rhythm with the Earth’s seasons coinciding with the Northern Hempisphere’s Autumn and Winter.

But this year, I was called to do some deep inner healing and shadow work that came up, and a strong pull to make my children my priority for the time being.

They will only be young once.

And although I am a homeschooling (unschooling) Mama to them who has hardly had a break from their presence, I feel the fleeting days of their childhood slipping through my fingers. They are 5 and 7 now. All the time in the world is not enough.

And as I reflect on my progress, as I continue to heal my own wounds that surface so I am better able to raise my vibration, I realized this is the first time in the past 4 or 5 years that I haven’t been in a deep depression and taken a social media break altogether in December. I have finally been able to move through some grief that is usually crippling this time of year.

There’s no longer an energetic charge to those previously haunting memories.

It feels good to have those wounds healed and be a non-issue. I recognize and celebrate my progress and bravery of doing that hard work of stirring up the past, really sitting in it, wallowing in it so I could feel it and bear witness to it entirely, before being able to move through it and release its grasp it had on me.

I am not perfect, nor do I ever pretend to be. I don’t have all the answers. What I do have is my experience of deep healing on many levels in this lifetime, of overcoming struggles that can feel so suffocating. I know what it is to find my way out of the darkness and come back to myself. To become stronger not despite, but because I have walked through the fire.

I’m not sure what’s ahead of me.

I am releasing any expectations or ideas of where my path will lead me, and taking this time to get in sync with this dreaming season to receive guidance from Spirit, the Universe, my Highest Self, my Guides, well and healed Ancestors, and all my Allies and Helping Spirits.

I release what no longer serves me as I make space for more love and light, and a deeper connection to my Highest Self and my Soul’s purpose for this lifetime.

And so it is.

image credit: Mario Álvarez